she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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