do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize