Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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