I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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