I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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