Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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