He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize