I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
