My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
