Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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