The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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