i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
