i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
