I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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