I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
