happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
