Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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