So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
