I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize