is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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