First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
