we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
