I think I died a long time ago.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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