i permit you to call me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
