the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
someone owes me an orgasm
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So squirting runs in the family.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
