his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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