you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
