it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
