mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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