barbara walters just said penis...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
