well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
