I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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