hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
