I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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