but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
