I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
