I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
