i jhust puked up my retainher.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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