Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
