someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
