her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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