ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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