My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
