I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
