We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
