You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
