just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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