for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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