So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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