you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
