I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
