And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
