If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
