nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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