youre lurking in front of me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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