I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
