He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he shaved USA in his pubs
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
