question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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