just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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