so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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