How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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