Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
