OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
