White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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