WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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