they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
