You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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