so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
