Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
