I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
