This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
